Tag: jim burns

9 Christian Books That Help You Teach Your Child About Sexuality

From time to time, I get emails from readers. I want to say first of all that these make my day. Some of them are heart-warming thank yous, but most are requests: requests for gift ideas for struggling readers or for help finding a new read-aloud after the bittersweet end of a beloved series. I love both of these species of email, each for their own reasons. But the second kind gets by far the longer response.

It might surprise you, though, to learn that there is a third species of email. Or, perhaps, a sub-species of the second kind of email. It is a request, but it always points to the same topic—the one sitting heavily on the shoulders of many parents, giving us wet willies and making life uncomfortable.

Do you know of any good books for teaching my kids about sex?

I love this question because it means that:

a) there are parents out there who are deliberate in how they discuss sexuality with their kids, and

b) there are parents out there who are willing to talk to their kids about sex at all. (I also like feeling like the cool aunt that people feel comfortable asking about, you know, awkward stuff.)

9 Christian Books About Sexuality | Little Book, Big Story

To be honest, my kids live a pretty sheltered life. They are not, to my knowledge, hearing cuss words from other kids on the playground* or throwing caution to the wind as they click link after link on YouTube. But even so, they still bring some interesting ideas to the dinner table, and we want to give them room to raise questions and debate issues and have clumsy follow-up talks with us.

We might shelter our kids, but we can’t insulate them. We don’t want to.

We want them to recognize pornography for what it is and to know what to do when it finds them. We want them to know how to love and empathize with those whose views differ from our own, but to still hold fast to the truth and offer it as a gift—not use it as a bludgeon. We don’t want them to be mystified by their own bodies but to recognize them as good, if sometimes comical, gifts from their Creator. And we definitely want them to know how to respond if someone tries to hurt them.

To that end, I have read a lot of books on a lot of awkward topics. The good news is that there are a lot of good books available by Christian authors. But I finally whittled my list of favorites down to nine. Here they are.

9 Christian Books About Sexuality | Little Book, Big Story

*Good grief, I hope not, since the “playground” is our yard and the “other kids” are their sisters.

Some Notes

I included age recommendations here, but please use those as guidelines for purchasing books but not for determining which conversations your kids are ready for. You know your children far better than I do, so I strongly recommend pre-reading all of these books before reading them with your children.

Also, this is a long post dealing with some weighty and potentially divisive topics. You all are a gracious lot and I love corresponding with you. If you have specific questions or want to challenge me on something, I welcome that. But I encourage you to do so privately (via email, please) and respectfully. Thank you.

God Made your Bodyby Jim Burns

Recommended Ages: 4-6
God Made Your Body | Little Book, Big Story

This book is a simple doorway into later discussions: Jim Burns explains what makes boys boys and girls girls, and he does so in a fun and welcoming way. The focus here is not just on private parts, but on the whole of our wonderful bodies—parts of which are private. He also introduces conception and pregnancy in a gentle, age appropriate way. (Read the full review.)

How God Makes Babiesby Jim Burns

Recommended ages: 6-9
How God Makes Babies | Little Book, Big Story

This book picks up where God Made My Body left off. Addressing the same material but at a greater depth, it’s recommended for slightly older kids. These books are both part of a longer series that increases in depth as kids age, but I haven’t read the others. Have you? Are they good? I want to know! (Read the full review.)

God Made All of Me, by Justin & Lindsay Holcomb

Recommended ages: 2-8
God Made All of Me, by Justin and Lindsay Holcomb | Little Book, Big Story

This book takes a more serious turn. The focus here is on equipping kids to know what to do if they find themselves at risk for (or victims of) sexual abuse by presenting one family’s conversation about this difficult topic. The authors anchor the whole book in an understanding that our bodies are good and that God crafted every part of them for good and specific purposes.

They also discuss the difference between a secret and a surprise, and define what sort of touch is good and what isn’t. Another thing I like about this book is that it says emphatically that it’s okay for kids to say “no, thank you” to any kind of touch if they don’t want it: a hug, a kiss, a high five—none of those are okay if they’re unwanted. This is a great place to begin those hard conversations. (Read the full review.)

Please note: The story itself is very kid-friendly, but the material in the front and back of the book is geared toward parents only and could be upsetting for kids.

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, by KRisten Jenson & Gail Poyner

Recommended ages: 7-12
Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, by Kristen A. Jenson & Gail Poyner | Little Book, Big Story

Pornography is a subject worth addressing specifically with our kids, and Good Pictures Bad Pictures is the best way I’ve found to bring it up. The authors define pornography simply and explain what an addiction is, how it starts, and what we can do to prevent one from forming. They do this through the context of a mother and son having a warm conversation, and they break the story into short readings, ideal for tackling individually and building slowly to an understanding of how our kids can respond wisely and quickly when they encounter questionable content.

A Child’s First Book About Marriageby Jani Ortlund

Recommended ages: 4-9
A Child's First Book of Marriage, by Jani Ortlund | Little Book, Big Story

This book only mentions sex once, quietly, but it is all about the context in which sex and romance belong. Jani Ortlund explains beautifully what marriage is, first sitting at the child’s perspective and asking, “A lot of people get married. Have you ever wondered why?” She then goes on to explain not just what marriage is, but what many people believe it is, what it isn’tand what it can be. I appreciated the way this book doesn’t pick up any of the spicy language that surrounds this topic in our culture but discusses a sensitive subject with honesty, gentleness and grace. (Read the full review.)

The Ultimate Girls’ Body Book, by Dr. Walt Larimore & Dr. Amarylis Sanchez Wohliver

Recommended ages: 9-12+
The Ultimate Girls' Body Book, by Dr. Walt Larimore & Dr. Amaryllis Sanchez Wohlever | Little Book, Big Story

Every chapter in this book answers a question that girls might ask about their bodies. These range from topics that introduce puberty to weightier, more complex topics in the back of the book. The authors answer from a gracious, Christian perspective, blending medical knowledge with a deep respect for the girls they write for. They treat the reader like she deserves to understand how her body works, yet point her to the gospel again and again. This is definitely the best book I’ve found on this subject. (And for those of you with sons, good news! The Ultimate Guys’ Body Book is available, too!)

The Princess and the Kiss, by Jennie Bishop

Recommended ages: 6-9
The Princess and the Kiss, by Jennie Bishop | Little Book, Big Story

This book uses allegory to introduce the subject of sexual purity. Through the story of a young princess, Jennie Bishop illustrates the idea that we are each given a gift worth saving for the one we marry. This is a lovely story, and I think that, paired with some of these other books, it could start some beautiful conversations.  (And there’s a partner book for boys called The Squire and the Scroll! I haven’t read it, but I’ve heard good things.)

GEnder, by Brian SEagraves & Hunter Leavine

Recommended ages: You!
Gender, by Brian Seagraves & Hunter Leavine | Little Book, Big Story

Subtitled “A Conversation Guide for Parents and Pastors,” this skinny book gives a solid, biblical perspective on gender, both outlining what our culture says about it and what the Bible teaches. In three sections, the authors outline how we might discuss the topic of gender with our little, big and nearly grown kids.

They offer, too, ideas for how we can lovingly interact with friends and neighbors who hold differing views on gender, and how to treat one another with grace through those conversations. You may not agree with everything the authors recommend (I can’t say that I did), but the foundation of this book is solid and makes a great starting place for discussions.

Mom, Dad . . . What’s Sex?, by Joel Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson

Recommended ages: You!
Mom, Dad . . . What's Sex?, by Jessica Thompson & Joel Fitzpatrick | Little Book, Big Story

Full disclosure: I haven’t read this book yet. But our church hosted a conference with the authors a few months ago and it was a great time of awkwardness, hilarity, heavy truths, and the gospel (so much gospel).

You may recognize Jessica from Give Them Grace, a book she co-authored with her mom Elyse Fitzpatrick (and one that I re-read every few years). Or you may recognize both Jessica and Joel from the podcast they host with their mom, Front Porch With the FitzesOr maybe you don’t recognize their names at all, and that’s fine.

But you should still read this book. The authors don’t treat purity as a finish line—as though waiting for the wedding night is a mark of high-ranking holiness—but recognize that we, as Christians, are saved not by fulfilling our “purity vow” but by Christ and Christ alone. The finish line we’re aiming for is much further down the road, and the reward is much bigger. In fact, marriage is a purifying part of that race, not its end. Their perspective is humble and refreshing; their advice wonderfully practical.


Okay! We made it! Now, which books have you found helpful? Which books have I missed?

Starting a new notebook

Remember our family notebooks? I’m starting a new one!

A few months ago we learned that our family is going to grow bigger by one! We have been thinking (and speaking) in exclamation points since then. I mean, Mitch and I are excited, but the enthusiasm of these two knows no bounds:

Little Book, Big Story

Phoebe has no idea what’s coming.

Little Book, Big Story

It’s too early to tell yet whether this will be our fourth daughter or first son, but the girls have put their vote in for a little brother, to be named either Robin Hood or Peter (as in, Peter “The High King of Narnia” Rosenburg). We, on the other hand, have only seriously discussed girl names. Whether they get their wish or not, we do know that this baby will be well-loved by not one, not two, but three big sisters.

To celebrate, I thought I’d share a few of my favorite books about babies:

HOW TO BE A BABY, BY ME THE BIG SISTERby Sally Lloyd-Jones

How to Be a Baby (By Me, the Big Sister), by Sally Lloyd-Jones | Little Book, Big Story

Sally Lloyd-Jones writes a charming manual on how to be a baby—from the perspective of a six-year-old girl. So funny, you’ll laugh a little too hard when reading it aloud (I’ll say only this: “baby jail”). (Read the full review.)

HOW GOD MAKES BABIES, by Jim Burns

How God Makes Babies | Little Book, Big Story

If you, like me, are a chronic over-explainer who dreads those “How did the baby get in there?” questions not because you fear you’ll say the wrong thing but because you fear you’ll say too much, this is a great book to have on hand. Jim Burns says just the right amount about babies: how they’re made, why they’re made, and what life will be like when they’re born. (Read the full review.)

GOD GAVE US YOU, by Lisa Tawn Bergren

God Gave Us You, by Lisa Tawn Bergren | Little Book, Big Story

On the other end of the spectrum is this sweet book. Perfect for little kids who don’t need a biology lesson, just a lesson in where they came from, God Gave Us You is a keeper. (Read the full review.)

How God Makes Babies | Jim Burns

The Talk. It’s coming—you know it is. One of these days, your child is going to ask you—probably in mixed company—how that lady got a baby in her belly. Or why your son has different equipment than your daughter. Or, the classic, where do babies come from?

And you will hope for grace and ease and for just the right words. You may say gently, “Well, we can talk about that more when we get home,” or you may turn beet red in the check out line and panic while the English language escapes you. Or, you might have a copy of How God Makes Babies at home and feel like now, now is the time to pull it out and have The Talk.

How God Makes Babies | Little Book, Big Story

For us, that time came around midday last Friday. In anticipation of the more pointed questions of our five-year-old, I fully expected to hear the ” . . . but how did the baby get in there?” line of questioning during this pregnancy, and so on a friend’s recommendation I bought Jim Burns’s book, How God Makes Babies. I am nothing if not preemptive.

But for a number of reasons (many of which came from this post), we decided not to wait until our kids started asking questions, but to broach the subject ourselves, since we want our girls to know from an early age that these are things we can talk about together. We want to hear their questions and help them find the answers.

And so I said a quick prayer that Lydia would keep only the information that she needs now. Then I curled up with her and read How God Makes Babies. The book turned out to be an invaluable resource, as it covered pretty much everything one could hope for at an age appropriate level: who has which private parts, what they’re for and who can and cannot touch them, plus (most pertinent for our family) how a baby grows and develops and eventually makes its way out into the world.

How God Makes Babies | Little Book, Big Story

Burns gives great, concise answers to complex questions, but doesn’t oversimplify. He explains marriage well; he explains sex and puts it in its intended context. As a chronic over-explainer, I was thankful for a book that gave measured answers to such big questions without overwhelming readers with useless detail.

I do not expect our conversations on this topic to end with this book, but for now, the door is open and the book is on the bookshelf. I even read selected passages to Sarah, and now both girls love to read over the pages about the baby’s development, which is, perhaps, all they need for now.

How God Makes Babies | Little Book, Big Story

How God Makes Babies comes with an age recommendation of 6-9. I also ordered a copy of God Made Your Body, which is aimed at a younger audience (ages 3-5) and focuses more on how cool our bodies are, how we’re all different and so on, while deftly sliding an explanation of the differences between boys and girls into the narrative. It also talks about pregnancy and birth, so the girls have really enjoyed that one, too. And no one has used awkward terms in awkward circumstances (so far).

Of course, be sure to pre-read these books before you read them with your kids, and use your discretion about when to introduce which topics to your kids (you can always spot read relevant sections of the book and save the rest for later). You know them far better than I do.


How God Makes Babies
Jim Burns (2009)

God Made Your Body
Jim Burns (2009)